02 June 2008

God of Angel Armies

by RevSisRaedorah
The Ninth Sunday in Ordinary Time
Psalm 46 & Haggai 2:9

“God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need Him.… GOD-of-Angel-Armies protects us.” -Psalm 46:1ff (TM)*

""This temple is going to end up far better than it started out, a glorious beginning but an even more glorious finish: a place in which I will hand out wholeness and holiness.' Decree of God-of-the-Angel-Armies." -Haggai 2:9 (TM)*

Happy New Year – to Me! My birthday is Wednesday. Having spent most of the past month reflecting, as I usually do around this time, about the past year and my plans for the new one, I did so with uncustomary and unfamiliar grief. It took me about two weeks of praying, writing and being still as the Psalmist both instructs and challenges us that I understood that the catalyst of my grief – when I would ordinarily and joyfully be planning my annual charity party – was loss.

Three weeks ago I lost two parathyroid adenomas. Because of the radically invasive surgery, casualties of this procedure included significant damage to my vocal folds, my losing my voice, thereby rendering me aphonic for the past three weeks. As much as the adenomas were causing dis-ease throughout my body, generally, and through my preacher/poet/storyteller voice, specifically, I was not prepared to experience the loss of the ability to speak. Especially for such an extended period of time. Instead of sending out birthday party invitations three weeks ago, I sat still, in silence, and just let tears stream from my soul’s well.

SELAH: Beloved, do not fear naming the loss you feel…

In my loss of speech, I lost use of the most valuable and priceless tool of my vocation, pleasure and passion. In my loss of speech – and that accompanied with a very visible scar, medicinally managed pain, and sleeping on my back propped up at a 25 degree angle – I lost the ability to tell my son I love him, to ask a friend to bring me a napkin, to call maintenance when a pvc pipe gave way flooding the living room carpet, and the simple joy of laughing out loud like I am oft apt to do. For one very long day facing westward, overlooking the infinity of the Pacific Ocean, I sat still, in silence, and just let tears call out to Deep about my overwhelming reality of loss. Like the great waves cresting as the sun began to set, so were waves of grief so strong in my soul and weighed down my body. I sat still, in silence, and with every shed tear I felt an opportunity to be light snuffed out. Loss feels like that – silence and darkness.

SELAH: …your honest to God-ness feelings are safe in God’s place…

And so I stayed there – at the ocean, in stillness, in silence, in tears – feeling protected by God of Angel Armies! As the tide ebbed and flowed, so did my overwhelming sense of loss. Beloved Friends, know that this meditation is less about loss as a destination, but is in fact, a testimony of a journey through loss – one which I am still traveling. You see, as I sat out in the public paths along the beachfront that day, the more aware I became of my vulnerability in the loss of speech and all the more I became aware that God of Angel Armies was on patrol over my mind, body and spirit. God who protects me when can’t holler for help is the same God who is preparing me for a work and a witness that is incomprehensibly awesome!

SELAH: …and while you are hiding and still, healing and silent, I, God of Angel Armies is at work in you to restore you …

In plain sight I hid in stillness, silence and submission to God of Angel Armies at work in me and on my behalf.

Praise –
My praise to God of Angel Armies is this – which I will trust You for protection and I will trust in You that my silence will not silence my witness of Your great and mighty, mysterious and marvelous ways!
Beloved Friend, feel your loss, name it, and let it go! God of Angel Armies is on patrol! God of Angel Armies will use your loss to cause you to leap into the next manifestation of God’s will for your life. Expect the loss to leave. Prepare to receive a more glorious gift in its stead. In that place of loss, God of Angel Armies will pour out wholeness and holiness!
Trust God today, let losses go and you, go with God to your manifest destiny!

*Peterson, Eugene H. The Message: The Bible in Contemporary Language. Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 2002.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for you prayer to the angel armies. My fellow messenger.. your message spoke to me.. and i will spread your prayer to the fellow messengers.

peace be with you