Love Without Expectation

By Donna Konias

The Presbyterian Welcome retreat in July was an eye-opener for me. Not only am I new to Presbyterianism (yes, I bought a "handbook" at Barnes and Noble), but I am new to PW, and only about six years into a religious walk within community. That is to say, I left my church quite young (at 19) and spent as many years 1-on-1 with God, only to begin again with a church community six years ago.

For me the retreat spawned a theme of expectations. Mine were simple: I'd never been to one before, so I had no idea to what to expect. Would it be so intellectual I'd be lost? What would the worship be like? And most importantly, what if I really don't feel like doing all of the activities? I knew only one person there - what would I do if she didn't want or was too busy to spend with me? What if no one accepts me there (acceptance, as GLBT people know, is NEVER guaranteed)? And I had two very serious spiritual expectations: to have the deep conflict I was feeling about my home church resolved, and to regain a full, central focus on God. There were other expectations, too, inherent in the retreat organization: for all to agree to the retreat covenant, for all to participate, for all to be open to everything, for all to share, for all to feel welcomed, for all to belong. But I think perhaps the overall expectation might have been that it would be easy, that we'd all know how to "play."

The end result? As is always the case, when a person takes one step toward God, God comes rushing to greet that person. I never met so many gentle, truly tender, incredibly brilliant, sincerely God-loving people in one place in my life (well, aside from a church I love in Phoenix, Arizona). Each of us brought our own spiritual tide and presence as given by God, and the currents often criss-crossed and crashed about, but even as water does, all blended together. It was a pleasure to see and experience.

I am grateful for those who gathered me in and glad to be one who could gather others in, and I thank God for seeping into the otherwise sealed pockets of my fearful resistance and insecurity.

A poetic expression about the retreat follows - its meaning is easy: how God loves us all, how dedicated we are to God, how empowered we are in Christ, how okay we are in the body of Christ, all regardless of our sexual identity. And, all of us are good enough to be called by God and able to love others in Christ without the expectation of being loved by others in return...

Love Without Expectation
By Donna Konias
July 23, 2009
©2009, Donna Konias, all rights reserved.

You hold us close, O God,
without judgment or hesitation.
We look to You for fulfillment
that we may love without expectation.

Like David we seek You.
Like David we love You.
Like David we fear You
and put no one above You.

Together, we break through this world,
and turn the tables upside down.
Together, we move mountains,
and pick up all that has been cast down.

And in all that we have or don't have,
You have shown us
that we are enough.

You hold us close, O God,
without judgment or hesitation.
We look to You for fulfillment
that we may love without expectation.